'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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