apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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