I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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