I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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