I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
