One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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