my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
