I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
