Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
