I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
