Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Pooping to opera.
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