maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
