rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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