You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize