what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
