the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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