Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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