I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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