I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
