I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize