think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
