paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
