Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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