im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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