She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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