So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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