i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize