I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
