I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dignity is for republicans.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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