Someone shit on the floor
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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