I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
