Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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