I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
