I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can I color on your dick again?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
