I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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