I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
