fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
