Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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