I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
