Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
