after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
