He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
