She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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