To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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