I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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