I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is my gift to your gina
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize