i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
