His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
