My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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