I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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