Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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