LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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