Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
foreskin is a definite game changer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
