I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
