Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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