I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
