Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
