She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
