The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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