Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
