You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
