happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
