My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
