I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
