Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
